The beauty in ugly

”Today was the first day on my Yoga pregnancy teacher training course.

As a woman, I feel that I have an obligation to learn the intricacies of such a wonderful life experience. The changes that may occur in the physical and mental body. How the capacity of ones heart starts to expand beyond what they knew to be as their ”norm” and space is created for these little beings.

Of course, I know that there is only so much I can learn until I am in that space myself…again.”

What you just read is a segment from an article I felt compelled to right once I had arrived home from my pregnancy TT course some months back. On this course, there were approximately 37 women, 40% of which were/are pregnant.

IMG_3825.JPG.jpegWe would often start our days with some nourishing meditation and Yoga Nidra.

  • For those who aren’t aware of what Yoga Nidra is…Yoga Nidra or yogic sleep is a state of consciousness between waking and sleeping. Its that sweet, almost palpable relaxed drifting feeling before falling asleep. That “going-to-sleep” stage.

Practicing Yoga Nidra was not new to me yet, practicing it in this particular environment aided further openness and brought forth hidden gems close to my psyche. Each time I had practiced in the past, new things would come to light but never this.

With a cushion under my head & legs propt up on a bolster in a butterfly position, I rolled from one side to another cocooning myself with a blanket. For the cherry on the top, I placed an eye pillow over my eyes, came into myself and quickly began to drift.

With gaze internal, it was as if my infinite divine became more luminous moment by moment. As my breath travelled just beyond my sternum, I visualised an almost mustard yellow pulsating light. The closer I moved towards this, I felt a growing discomfort yet overwhelming love. Upon further examination, it became apparent that there was a foetus within this light. It was a little me.

Whilst still ”asleep”, I started to tear up. My mind cast back to an experience I had when I was 17yrs old. As a result of rape, I fell pregnant and ended up having an abortion. Naturally, at the time there was a deep sense of guilt and shame surrounding this but in this wondrous moment, as I told myself that it wasn’t my fault I felt this immense clearing of stagnant energy. I held my past and future children close and told them that I would see them again and that I love them. It was as if that love that I had just put out to them, came back to me in abundance.

When the time came to sit up and open my eyes, with tears running down my face…I gently chilled in the sensation of gratefully arriving home.

Going into this with no anticipation of what to expect, I’d say I definitely found the beauty in ugly.

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